Assumptions and Acceptance

You know what they say about assumptions don't you? Well, lately, I realized that I have been operating under a set of assumptions for a few parts of my life. 

I just assumed that I would find my prince, the perfect person and best friend for me to spend the rest of my life with. For some reason, I also just kind of assumed that I would get married shortly after college. My mother was married when she was 20 and my brother got married shortly after college, so that's basically all I ever saw. During a conversation with a good friend, I came to realize that that is not the only option. I am 21, and I am not entirely sure that I want to be married just yet. I have never been in any real kind of relationship.

One day towards the end of summer last year, I felt this incredible peace and knowing that God hadn't forgotten about me; that he did indeed have a plan for me and that it would happen soon, within the next year. That was about six months ago. Lately, and with a lot of prayer, I have come to understand and fully believe that there is someone for me and in God's timing, he will come into my life and be my partner. I have really been struggling with this all year, especially since it seems everyone here at Alma is either engaged or in a relationship. I think I am getting closer to the point where I can fully accept myself and be comfortable with myself as well as my relationship with God. I think this is an important prerequisite for an earthly relationship and partner. It is important that I be rooted in my faith before I reach out and expand my branches.

I have been reading the book, When God Writes your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy. We started it last year in Naked Time and I never finished it and I still haven't, but I find such peace when I read it. I ache so much to be loved and to find my soul mate, but I know  and accept that with God it will happen.  I will find the person that is perfect for me and that I am perfect for all in God's time.

As I was typing this, the Relient K piano tribute of Be My Escape came on in itunes. Be my Escape is by far the most plated song on my itunes. It just seems to fit my life so well. Sometimes songs have way of expressing exactly what we want and can't. 

 Cause I’ve been housing all this doubt and insecurity and
I’ve been locked inside that house all the while You hold the key
And I’ve been dying to get out and that might be the death of me
And even though, there’s no way of knowing where to go, promise I’m going because
I gotta get outta here
Cause I’m afraid that this complacency is something I can’t shake
I gotta get outta here
And I’m begging You, I’m begging You, I’m begging You to be my escape.

I fought You for so long
I should have let You in
Oh how we regret those things we do
And all I was trying to do was save my own skin
But so were You
 

With acceptance comes this overwhelming peace. I think that sometimes God is just waiting on us to accept that he has things under control and to let go and then he can work in our lives.

For the past few weeks I have really been stressing over what I would do for housing next year. I had always just assumed that I would live in Wright Hall and that I would find a team without a problem. When I started asking around, I discovered that nearly everyone was already on a team or an RA. I worried that if I found a group of girls, we wouldn't have similar personalities, values or make a good enough team to make it.

I really stressed over this for a few weeks. When I was home this weekend, I finally just accepted the fact that I probably would not be living in Wright and would just apply for a single. I prayed and just left it up to God. I decided that a single would be fine since I will have student teaching and I don't think it would be very considerate to share a room when I will have a crazy schedule. Also, all my good friends are applying to live in Wright, or have roommates. Mine s currently in Wyoming, and I miss her. So, I just accepted that I would be living alone, away from my friends.

It's funny how God works isn't it? 

Monday I was approached and asked by two good friends if I would like to live in Wright Hall and be on their team. I said yes. Once I found out their 4th person for the team, I knew that God had truly been at work. So now we are just waiting to find out if our 4th person gets a position as an RA, but I feel so much more at peace. We also have backup plans if Wright Hall falls through.

I think sometimes we get so caught up on assumptions, that we can't really see what God's plans for us are. When we accept things and His will, that is when I believe he can truly act in our lives.